As it only had two seats, our photographer was forced to crouch down in the boot alongside a metal detector that Max had purchased on eBay. He wanted to drive us up to Stirlingshire on a treasure-hunting mission because, he told us, a week ago he was walking in the fields there and had a strong ‘feeling’ that he could be standing on buried treasure. In 2009, safari park warden David Booth unearthed £1 million worth of Iron Age jewellery in the area, and Max was inspired to attempt the same. My only previous experience of Stirling consists of a disastrously dull family road trip around Scotland when I was 12 or 13. As we drove along listening to Sunny Govan Radio, we compared our stories of family holidays from hell as I rolled him cigarettes and Scott bounced around in the boot nursing a hangover. To warm up for the interview, I tried out my Blind Date-style pseudo psychology questions, such as “If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?” (He answered “Sparkly white”) and “Which flavour of Walkers crisps best represents your personality?” (“Worcestershire Sauce” which, coincidentally, I was eating at the time). We arrived at Mugdock Country Park and got out of the van. Scott wanted to take some photographs of us in the surrounding fields. By then the weather had changed to the standard Scottish summer fare of wet and grey, so the muddy ground soon proved to be a challenge for my white PVC stilettos and Scott’s 6 inch platform creepers.


After a brief rainy photo shoot involving Max and I struggling to climb over an iron gate and Max pretending to look for gold with his metal detector, I switched on the Dictaphone and began the interview. Claudia: Max thinks there’s a derelict castle nearby, so we’re gonna have a wander about and see if we can find it. Claudia attempts to climb over a gate.